WSN247 Blog – The Authorities Are Looking For USWNT

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WSN247 Blog: The “Authorities” Are Looking For USA Women’s Soccer, While The U.S. Just Looks For Gold

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August 5, 2012

USA Women’s Soccer vs Canada; Monday, Aug. 6, 2:45 PM ET

WARNING:  The self appointed Celebration Police and also self appointed, Illegal Tactic Police, are on the prowl and looking for suspects for recent infringements.  Please be on the lookout for the following persons as they are suspects in these very serious matters.  It appears they are a team of 18 women; all strong, talented and fiercely competitive.  They are led by a coach, a Swedish woman, who is described in the police report as “a superior fist pumper”.  Each department of fake law enforcement is on their tails for separate offences.  Let me explain while also giving my 2 cents on the subject.  Maybe 3 cents, because it kind of bugs me.

After the USA Women’s Soccer Team won against New Zealand in the quarter final round at the Olympics New Zealand’s coach, Tony Readings, had something to say about the Americans’ celebrations.  He stated, “I guess it’s something they work on in training.  We try to work on scoring goals and stopping Wambach and Morgan.  We haven’t got time to work on celebrations in training.”  If you missed their celebration, it was just a few cartwheels and striking a pose in tribute to Gabby Douglas and the Team USA gymnasts, the ‘Fab Five’ who are having an amazing Olympics.  Wow, you’re right Mr. Readings…it sounds like they spent hours of training time putting together this finely tuned and choreographed number which deserves an Olympic medal in itself.  I wouldn’t be surprised if they brought in a professional choreographer for this elaborate and arrogant routine.  OR, it was a group of proud American athletes (who took no longer than any other goal celebration takes) to celebrate their goal and also pay respect to their fellow athletes with a bunch of terrible, but fun attempts at proper cartwheels.  And I hate to break it to you, but maybe you should have spent some time on fun celebration techniques, because the whole, “stopping Wambach and Morgan” thing didn’t seem to work out so well for you.  Coach comments aside, New Zealand played a great game and made the USA work for those goals.  The Football Ferns have a lot to be proud of and they played a strong, clean 90 minutes.  Too bad the coach is still in junior high school and needs to take late unnecessary digs after the fact.  Good game, New Zealand!

If you didn’t see that cartwheel celebration I definitely recommend checking it out (it’s at the bottom of this post).  But furthermore; I am here by DEMANDING you watch Sydney Leroux’s goal celebration for the 2nd goal of that game.  Everything from her face to her body language to the truthful look of pure and honest joy in her eyes is enough to fuel you for the next month, running off of happy fumes.  Congratulations on your first of many Olympic and major tournament goals, Syd!

Next we have the Illegal Tactics police.  Canada’s head coach John Herdman is apparently trying to play some sort of mind games with the USA before their huge semi final match up tomorrow, August 6th.  He is stating that he wants to “raise awareness” of the USA’s “highly illegal” tactics.  Are you going to start a Twitter campaign for it and give it a catchy slogan too?  I got one for you: “We demand justice, eh?”  (I know you’re not Canadian, Herdman…but I can never pass on a good “eh” Canadian crack.  Sorry, Canadian readers.  I do love your syrup.)  In my opinion the Americans play a clean but highly physical game.  That is their style as it has always been.  Does anyone know if Herdman has ever watched his team play, or is he more of a “hands off” coach?  Canada is undoubtedly one of the most physical teams out there.  I won’t go as far as saying they play dirty, because they don’t for the most part.  They, just like any team (including the US), have their moments of late tackles or retaliation out of frustration that they wish they could take back, but Canada plays a very physical game and is not afraid to mix it up by any means.

Herdman called out the USA on set pieces, saying that is where they partake in their underground illegal dirty work.  I got news for you, buddy: when there are a dozen bodies in an area that small, battling for a ball; no one is going to be saying please or thank you or pardon me.  There will always be contact and there will always be physical battles in those scenarios.  The USA will battle for the ball like their life depended on it and they will fight with a fierce determination that would probably make most people want to head for the hills.  But they do not do anything illegal on a normal basis as if it is part of their game plan.  Good luck raising awareness and staging a sit in or handcuffing yourself to a tree or whatever you plan on doing, but the USA will be busy playing the beautiful game in a beautiful way and taking it to your Canadian squad.  I enjoy watching Canada play very much and I can say they have some of my favorite players outside of the USWNT.  But tomorrow is game day and I will have red, white and blue blood pulsing through my veins, waiting to see a huge win for our girls while Herdman makes protest signs to “raise awareness” using an assortment of Sharpies and glitter, I’m sure.

I wish Canada good luck tomorrow, in the sense that they have a good clean, injury free game.  But I wish the USA that and so much more.  I am ready to see the American fighting spirit at its best.  I’m ready to see Morgan and Wambach continue to prove that they are in fact, the world’s most dangerous weapon.  I’m ready to see Hope Solo smirk and walk away from a huge save with swag.  I’m ready to see USA dominate as a team and win this game as a collective unit who know what the Olympic spirit is all about and exemplify it to the utmost extent.

So if there are any other coaches out there who wish to become fake officers of fake law and join the peanut gallery; step right up.  Say what you’d like.  We’ll all be busy watching the USA play the only way they know how; beautifully.

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Amy Maestri

Writer / actress / producer.

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