Carli Lloyd-aphobia

I recently declared my severe case of Hope Solo-itis. It felt great to be honest and open about it, and truly embrace it. Now that I have done so, I feel it necessary to approach a new subject infecting soccer fans everywhere. It seems there is a nasty case of Carli Lloyd-aphobia spreading. I for one do not suffer from this phobia. I would say I actually have a case of Lloyd-itis, seeing as how she is a boss. The Lloyd-aphobia infecting some of our citizens is what I want answers on why.

Carli Lloyd is what we in the medical field call a “beast”. She’s like an 18 wheeler full of talent, skill, and aggression. When this 18 wheeler charges down the midfield you should just get out of the way, or you will be demolished. Basically what I’m saying is she’s a freak of nature. The US Women’s National Soccer team would not be nearly as successful without her honking her horn in the midfield and plowing over the opposing teams. The amount of work she puts into a game is insane. Even if she doesn’t finish a game with a goal or an assist I can guarantee you she still made a huge impact. Her crafty touches in the midfield, her work rate which is mind blowing, her ability to control and direct traffic all over the field and her movement on and off the ball all contribute to winning matches. She is a special player who is not only a “behind the scenes” type of conductor in the midfield but also a player who can shine and take control of a game putting an amazingly beautiful shot in the back of the net. Her little touches and smart runs off the ball and movement in the center of the field is constantly creating opportunities for us. She is also without a doubt one of the hardest working athletes I’ve ever seen. She covers more ground in one game than most people do in 2 weeks of working out. Heck, just watching her makes me want to take an ice bath after a game.

But it seems there are a few people who have come down with this Lloyd-aphobia I have spoken of. They seem to be scared off by her talent. They can’t embrace what a sickly talented athlete she is. When you are a “beast” you have a lot of heavy expectations placed on you. And although she is a very, very sick freak of nature in her pure skill, she will have an off day from time to time (this is what we, in the medical field, call; being human.  Although we are still debating her human-ness for obvious reasons displayed on the field). When these few and far between off days happen the Lloyd-aphobians begin to attack. Even if she didn’t have a bad day they begin to have “episodes” we’ll call them. It’s when they let the fear take over. They know the power and strength behind this athlete and it sometimes consumes them to a point where they have no other defense than to lash out at her I suppose. These “episodes” can occur anytime, with no rhyme or reason. Carli can play a flawless game, until the last minute where let’s say her hair tie falls out and she has to fix her hair. This is apparently enough of a mistake for the Lloyd-aphobians to attack. It’s intense.

The only conclusion I can come to, is the assumption I made previously- they are deathly afraid of someone with that much talent. It is the only possible answer to such an odd phobia with such odd reactions. I just can’t understand it. Also, might I mention as a reminder, what an absolutely clutch player she is for us when we need something huge. Not only does she come to play every day for every minute and is a consistent force for us, but she also is a massive clutch player for us.  Pop Quiz: Who scored the game winner for us in the 2008 Olympics, giving us the Gold Medal? I’ll give you a hint: IT WAS CARLI LLOYD.  (It is now 9/3/2012 and I need to make an addition to this blog which was written almost exactly one year ago, and here it is:) 2nd Pop Quiz: Who scored BOTH goals for us in the 2012 Olympic final, giving us the Gold Medal?  I’ll give another hint: IT WAS CARLI LLOYD.

In my last piece released on Hope Solo-itis I made a public statement that I embrace my Solo-itis and encourage others to catch it. In this, I am declaring it unpatriotic, unrealistic, and just plain silly to have Lloyd-aphobia. Accept the Lloyd! We need the Lloyd! The Lloyd led us to Olympic Gold and World Cup Silver! The Lloyd has a rocket of a shot that would slice runway models in half if it hit them! The Lloyd has poise on the ball that poets will one day write about and painters will paint her taking a shot on the Sistine Chapel! Ok, I seem to be getting carried away…

Embrace the Lloyd. I want “Lloyd-aphobia” to no longer be in our English language. (I understand it is not currently actually in our English language, but humor me here) I love watching her play and think she is one of the best central midfielders we have ever seen in our history. And also one of the best we will ever see. I cannot imagine a US Women’s National Team without her; that would be the real thing to be afraid of.

In fact- let’s make that the new phrase, the new phobia. “Lack-of-Lloyd-aphobia”

That one….I am scared of and do suffer from.

Published by

Amy Maestri

Writer / actress / producer.

2 thoughts on “Carli Lloyd-aphobia”

  1. I admit that I do suffer from this affliction, it was exacerbated during the World Cup when I saw her powerful shots sail all around the net but never actually touching it…I hope to be cured using immersion therapy. It's experimental but I hope that by watching her play more the law of averages will take over and maybe I will see an actual goal thereby curing me of my debilitating phobia;) Here's hoping!

  2. I'm glad to see you will be seeking therapy. And if you would like to see one of her many spectacular goals may I recommend viewing her game winning goal which gave us GOLD at the 2008 OLYMPICS. OHHHH SNAPPPPPPP

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