Can’t Believe I Am Ranting About DWTS…

Ok, it’s time for a bit of a rant. I am not a fan of reality competition shows normally. Believe it or not, I like those crazy old fashion scripted shows that require actors and writers and all of those silly things. The only reality competition shows I can tolerate are dancing ones usually because I love watching good dancers. And also because I love dancing in my living room acting like I am one of them. But this normally just ends in me being upset by show politics and some pulled muscles and angry neighbors from me thumping around my apartment. I watch So You Think You Can Dance sometimes because they are actually good dancers. I normally stay away from Dancing With The Stars because only half the people there are good dancers. I understand the draw to it though and why so many people watch it. The professional dancers on the show really are amazing to watch. This season I of course had to tune in though to see Hope Solo, being the US Women’s Soccer nut that I am. And since I started watching I was reminded of why I don’t watch.

The judges score and critique everyone just about as consistently as Charlie Sheen makes good decisions. They are so erratic and bias it makes me want to just turn the TV off and have Len deported back to England. The people on this show are not trying to become professional ballroom dancers. They are there to entertain people, learn something new, and make a nice extra paycheck. So in my opinion the judges need to ease up a bit. Sure, give them constructive criticism so they can improve but there is no need to knock them down as much as they do in some cases. They’re not going to go on from this show and audition for Broadway so chill out. I’m not saying they have to hold their hand and give them a puppy to hold while they get their results to make them feel better, but just remember they are not professionals. You can also see how quickly the judges choose favorites. I’ll be honest, if it weren’t for the show politics I would watch a show like this much, much more often. But its unfortunately nothing but politics, spray tans, and hot foreign dancers. I’ll welcome the spray tans and hot foreign dancers with open arms but the politics get frustrating. Hope looks amazing every week and is always very obviously trying her best and looking great while doing it but the judges don’t seem to find it necessary to ever give her any positive notes.

Hope Solo came on the show while in the middle of training for upcoming friendly matches for the US Women’s National Team. That’s right judges…she is a current, working athlete at the height of her career. So when you tell her she is not committing enough time then maybe you should have just cast another TMZ headline who has nothing better to do other than beg E! for a reality show. She’s an athlete who could eat you for breakfast and she lives for competition. Saying she doesn’t work hard enough is like saying Len doesn’t need to get laid. It’s just not true. On top of those comments it was always the same story that she was too strong and not feminine enough. Again, not sure if you were aware of this before she came on the show but she is a professional athlete. Say it with me judges, professional athlete. They tend to have muscles – weird, I know. And if you are going to tell her she is not feminine enough maybe you could have let Carson Kressley know he is not masculine enough. If it’s ok to tell Hope to act more girly and sexy it should be ok to tell Carson to act like a man. I can guarantee you if they had comments like that towards Carson there would have been a riot and an angry mob of people protesting. But it’s perfectly acceptable to say it to Hope. Chaz Bono brought up the excellent point about a double standard towards him being an overweight man on the show and the judges always praising the overweight women for what they are accomplishing, but just taking jabs at him. If they try to cram anymore double standards into 3 hours of weekly programming my TV might explode from it. Give the remarks you need to in order to help them get better, let them know what they are doing right and to keep doing it.  Then do your little shtick you think is funny and then be done, judges.

Hope’s partner Maksim Chmerkovskiy brought up an excellent point this week. He was sick of seeing the judges judge some people purely on entertainment value and giving an “A for effort” while others such as Hope were getting judged like she was auditioning to get into Juilliard. Every little meticulous detail was being brought out against her while other get comments like, “It looked so fun!” or “I loved the energy!” It’s like they are either hard ass ballroom critics judging pros who have been in the business for 20 years or they turn into 5 year old children clapping and giggling at a number with shiny costumes and super cool jazz hands. I was happy to see Maksim stand up for her and for everyone really, who has been getting judged unfairly, although Hope definitely has taken the worst of it. Chaz is the other one who has taken some rough verbal beatings. I love his partner, Lacey Schwimmer. I think she is an amazing dancer and she has really brought him a long way. I was a fan of hers from So You Think You Can Dance and like seeing her continuing a strong career. She seems like kind of a ham which I like too. She can also totally pull off the spray tan. (No oompa loompa for her) But the judges definitely took the same judging approach with Chaz as they have with Hope. Someone needs to give the judges some happy Paula Abdul pills before a show so they can relax, slur through some encouraging comments and then promptly pass out as soon as the show is over.

Ok, now that I have spent 10 minutes ranting about a show I never watch other than this season I think I’ll call it quits. So in closing: I’m sad to see Lacey and Chaz go because Lacey makes me laugh and is an amazing dancer, I’m sad the boy Kardashian is still there, (but makes sense because I’m sure Kris Jenner has an army of illegal aliens working for $3.75 an hour submitting votes every week in some sort of dungeon that Kim designed) I’m happy the hot Irish guy is still there, and I am extremely happy that Hope once again prevailed and will be there for at least another week to hopefully shut the judges up. We’re all behind you Hope, keep doing you and I’ll try to find a way to get someone to slip some of those Paula Abdul drugs to the judges next week.


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Amy Maestri

Writer / actress / producer.

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